Last Post 2020
Hello everyone,
Happy last day of the year.
I think it is a good day to break my silence, after all this time. To be honest I haven’t written in a while because in the last two or so months of the year, I was just tired- mentally and emotionally exhausted- and so I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. I also felt that I write all these things that I struggle to follow myself, so what is the point? But then I remembered why I started the blog.
I didn’t start it because I was perfect, or because I had mastered myself and could practice what I preached. I didn’t start it because I know everything and have the world figured out. I started it during one of those moments where I felt my lowest. I just wanted to begin listening to my inner wisdom, and because I thought it would be helpful, share it with the people around me as well. The blog is a means through which I become comfortable with all aspects of my life: good and bad; wholesome and unwholesome and be willing to share this with friends and family, because I want people to learn as I am learning.
I was reminded that the presence of my inner wisdom doesn’t make my journey any shorter than anyone else’s. I still need to experience the reality of that wisdom so that I can apply it to my life. So there is no use beating myself up or feeling bad that I don’t practice what I preach. I am learning, same as everyone else. I just have a special gift of wisdom, which lightens the burden of the hard truth that often comes with life experiences. And the blog for me is a way to share, and lighten the load for the people that might be facing similar circumstances and could use some encouragement or a different perspective.
So I am back, because I think people learn more from seeing both the struggles and triumphs in other people’s lives than just the highs. It is very tempting to only want to speak about the good, or when we have made progress, or reached a point that we have something to show, but that’s missing out such big chunks of life and people can’t really benefit by learning from experiences if one refuses to share.
This year was difficult for most people. It has been a collective difficulty. People lost their lives, their loves, their safety and stability, their peace of mind, and so much more, but we cannot only see the bad in this year. We have to see the good that has come with the bad, no matter how painful it has been. There are some difficult decisions that you might have had to make, or things you might have had to bear. Don’t let the hardship make you lose sight of what you gained at the end of it. It is very tempting to dwell in regret or dwell in the past because then you don’t have to take responsibility. It is easier that way. You can find people or situations to blame for your bad feeling. But feelings are temporary, what matters is that we move forward from them and not let them define the entirety of our experiences. It makes no sense to dwell in that difficult place when there is an improved future waiting for us to be grateful for and acknowledge. A lot of important things have happened this year, and a lot of crucial lessons learnt. So to move forward, we have to apply them. That is how we become stronger.
What I am doing now
From now on, I am insisting on myself. It is something that I have struggled with for so long. Because I have seen so many great personalities around me, and I have really been in awe of them, instead of recognising myself. A line came to my mind yesterday. I had decided that I want to just accept the ordinary person that I am, and run with it, and as that thought played on my mind, I realised something:
There is nothing like ordinary about being yourself, because there is nobody like you.
It was quite an important and profound realisation for me. It is saying many things, which I will leave you to unpack for your own self. But it is a simple truth that we will all do well to hold on to.
Insisting on myself
It means many things. It means not immediately thinking someone else can do it better than me, but instead doing what I can till I can do no more. It means saying no, and not feeling bad that I could not acquiesce to someone else’s desires, but instead feeling good that I am looking out for myself. It means understanding that people will treat me in exactly the same manner I allow myself to be treated, no more or less. It means that I wake up to the reality that there is no miracle coming to save me. I am my own saviour, and God has placed within me, all the miracles that are necessary for me to do my assignments on this earth. It means building and living in my own inner world, and not destroying it with my own hands because I am afraid that it is not good enough. It means accepting that I am a miracle in myself, and really holding on to that truth, because my life, and its success depends on it.
It means self-first, no matter how selfish I might look to others, it means self-first. Self-preservation and self-care. It means asking, what does Oladoyin need? And going exactly for that, without guilt or remorse that I am not making someone else happy. I can’t make anybody happy. Happiness is a personal choice. I can only take care of myself and make my own self happy. And I can only do what is in my power and desire to do, but anybody’s reaction to that is none of my business. So it means minding my business in the course of being myself.
So I am insisting on myself moving froward, living for myself, and enjoying my life for me, and no one else.
People Pleaser
If you are someone like me that worries about what other people say or how they feel. I really want to share with you that, it is not the best way to live your life. You only suffer needlessly for it, while people carry on with their own lives, seeing what they want to see.
You have to learn not to judge things, because that is part of the problem. Understand that things happen because they have to, and as long as you are right with yourself and your conscience, you can live free, putting yourself first. The truth is that if you are doing something because of someone else, you are 100% guaranteed to disappoint and be disappointed. Why? Because you’ve given up control to the whims of that person’s feelings and reactions. Imagine you think you are ‘sacrificing’ yourself for someone because you want ‘to be a good person’ and that someone doesn’t even see it, because they are focused on their own experiences or seeing things from their own perspective. What a waste. But imagine you stay true to who you are, do the best you can because you want to do it and not because you want to please, no one can take that away from you, because it is your inner truth, from a place that no other soul can reach.
Don’t live your life to please anyone or remain acceptable or pleasant. Sometimes you might have to say no. Sometimes it will feel unpleasant, but stick with it, because it is only momentary. Soon what comes is relief that you stayed true to your own desires for yourself, and in that way you begin to use more of your freedom as a human being. That’s what I am practicing now. I am finding it a bit difficult to get used to, but this is something I am determined to overcome.
Don’t live your life for anyone, it will only bring you pain, and it is also unfair to that person and yourself because you are being untruthful. There is no love in lies. So don’t be deceived by appearances, or swayed by guilt-tripping tactics - everyone is looking out for themselves and will do what they can to get what they want. So you have a right to say no, as much as they have a right to ask. The mistake is in thinking that you have to say yes when you don’t want to. That’s not love. That’s a lie.
Moving Forward
Take the best of this year and run with it. Resist the urge to stay in the comfort of self-pity. Pick yourself up from any disappointments or hardships you may have faced this year, and be grateful for your life.
Remember that there is no miracle out there to save you. You are your own miracle. So let yourself go from whatever is holding you back, and move forward to put yourself first, and take care of you. Do all the things you want to do. Leave out everything you don’t want to do, and don’t allow yourself to wallow in guilt for it.
Be courageous enough to be yourself and believe that you are the miracle you have been waiting for.
Count all your blessings and lessons from this year, and take them with you to face, bravely, whatever it is 2021 brings with it for you.
Happy New Year Everyone!
Be grateful.
Love,
O.F.P