1. Learn to Show Yourself Love
Dear friends,
I hope the first week of 2021 has treated you well. I can imagine that we are all watching this year unfold with bated breath. My constant prayer for everyone of you, is that no matter what happens this year, you will come out of it stronger, better and in gratitude for it all.
Today I want to talk about how I am trying to be practical about loving myself. I think it is important because for many people, especially those that tend to be people pleasers like I was (I say ‘was’ because I no longer accept that as a way of being), it is a difficult thing to do.
One thing I am doing, that you might want to consider doing for yourself, is writing yourself love letters, or sending your self love voice notes or making yourself love videos, or drawing yourself love pictures, whatever medium of communication or self-expression that suits you best.
At first it sounded so silly and maybe even a bit too self-absorbed, but now that I have been doing it for sometime, I can’t tell you enough about how good it feels. I am paying myself the kind of attention that I never really have before, and communicating with myself in a much kinder and loving way. Instead of self-criticism or harshness, it is helping me be kinder and more loving to myself. On some level it feels so much better than any love letter anyone could ever write to me. I don’t know if it is because I started out determined to be more attentive to myself and treat myself as I have wanted to be treated by other people. Whatever the reason, it feels good to feel loved by myself. My words can never do it justice. It is something you will have to try and experience to see for yourself. To help you start off, I’d like you to imagine that you got a letter like this:
My dearest/ My love/My favourite person in the world :),
My goal is to love you so much that you begin to accept that you are worthy of love, that you are enough, that you are God’s gift to this earth, no matter what people say. I want to make your head swell and make you blush with delight. I want to do for you what you are always hoping someone else will one day in the future do. I want to love you entirely, and make the effort to make you feel good. Because if you are able to receive my love, you will be able to give it out without thinking.
Have you noticed that when you feel good, it is so easy to be nice and kind to others. But when you feel bad about yourself, it is equally easy to be nasty to others. So I want you to feel good. Very good, and that goodness will be felt by all those around you.
I am so proud of you and all that you are. I feel so happy that I get to be with you at every moment. I know your every thought, your fears, your hopes your dreams and desires, and I am cheering you on each step of the way because you are a miracle. You are enough and the value you bring to this earth is unique.
I love you just the way you are and I am so excited to grow each day with you and witness you giving the world the gift of yourself.
I love you
And I am going to work more and more each day to love you better.
So help me God.
Love,
Yourself.
It feels nice to read right? Imagine reading this and believing every word that is written, knowing that it came from you, and no one else. You feel all warm and fuzzy inside and you think wow, someone can love me this much? It feels really good to hear and feel these things. What stops you from making your own self feel this good? Why must someone else come and tell you these things ? Why can’t you take the time to find out what is amazing about yourself and continue to remind yourself how wonderful and special of a gift that you are?
Why can’t you treat yourself to nice things and prioritise your well-being? Why can’t you sacrifice for yourself as you may do for other people, and as you secretly want others to do for you? It does not make you selfish at all. It just makes you a more loving person, because at the very least, you love yourself. And it is not possible to have that love in you and be selfish. Because feeling loved and good is as infectious as feeling bad and nasty. We all know and have experienced this.
Think of the times when you are in a great mood - you are automatically nicer, people look around and wonder why you are being so nice. But someone doesn’t need to be good to you for that to happen, you can constantly be good to yourself.
So this communication is just one way, a little start.
I think you should try it. Start from a place of honesty. Don’t write things down just because they sound nice. Write things that you might have noticed about yourself but played down or ignored. In the same way someone who is toasting you will wax lyrical, don’t be shy to do the same for yourself. No one needs to know anyway. It is just for you.
All the words you wish someone would say to you, say to yourself.
All the kindness you have wished or are wishing someone would show you, show it to yourself.
All the care you wish someone would take of you, take that care of yourself.
It isn’t selfish, it is self love.
And you are worthy of your own love, no matter how anyone else on earth treats you.
It might feel awkward in the beginning, but if you keep at it you will get used to the attention and the affection and you will come to embrace it. We don’t need to wait for other people to make us feel good about ourselves. We can learn to make ourselves feel loved. Like any new lesson, it takes time and practice. So keep at it.
Happy self-loving.
Love,
O.F.P.