Forgiving and Remembering

I wonder if one has truly forgiven if one still remembers. 

I wonder what it means that I am consciously building a thick, high, opaque wall between us

I wonder these things because

I waited for you

I was waiting as you continuously made the decision to make me the ‘other’

put me on the sidelines

and cover me in shame

And while I am not angry

I feel a lot of something

Something like a response to

‘I told you so’

Perhaps what makes me feel heavy

Is the lightness with which you have handled my feelings

And the complete disregard 

For the self I entirely opened up to you

But you did not ask for this

And you owe me nothing

So I have no right 

To be upset

However,

I do have the authority

To withhold 

Everything of myself

From you

I thought I had forgiven

But it appears as though I am unable to forget

And as I am reminded of the cut

I see that the wound is fresh 

I am still bleeding

And all I feel

Is the pain of your unthinking, unthoughtful silence

It can never be the same

I think

I will hold on tightly to this memory

So that you will lose the ability

To hurt me ever again

Or make me feel 

Like a fool.

-O.F.P.

Thumbnail Art: Jekein Lato-Unah