Fewer Speeches, More Shows
Dear Friends,
In the week that has gone past since the last post, I have spent some time thinking more about keeping one’s ideas to oneself, because it is something I personally struggle with. If I’m about to start a new course, I’ll tell my people. If I want to go on a diet, I’ll tell them too. If I’m thinking of buying a new dress, same thing. Big things, small things, inconsequential things, I struggle to keep them to myself. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with letting people know what I’m up to per se. The issue I have is with telling them before I even start, almost as though I am asking permission, or checking that it’s okay. I seem to be largely unable to decide I want to do something and just go for it, without mentioning it to someone first.
The more determined I become to do things my way, chart my own path and go with my internal guide, the more I realise I can’t keep telling people my plans, spending ages discussing how I want to do this or that, especially when I haven’t even made the plans to start. I don’t know anyone of my close friends or family that does this. They just go ahead with what they want to do, and if they let us know, it’s an - oh by the way, this is what I’m up to.
Looking at this issue closely, I have begun to see why it gets problematic. The biggest reason is that all the time and effort I spend talking represents time and effort I can spend bringing it into being. This is the biggest thing for me. I avoid starting things by talking about things. It’s not just with work. It’s with all areas really. Moreover, the things I’ve been most successful at, are those things that I was determined to do and just went ahead to get done, without spending much time theorising about them to anyone.
It takes energy to talk about something that you haven’t started yet. The energy is dissipated in all forms - trying to convince the person what you are planning to do makes sense for you; trying to argue that it is the right thing for you; trying to get them as excited as you are or to see things from your perspective. All those discussions require your expending effort on external opinions that have no bearing on what you really want to be doing.
Besides, why are you trying to convince someone else of something that doesn’t even concern or affect them? Something that is really about you and your own life?
If the conversation is to convince someone to invest in your idea - now that is worth talking about. However, at this point, you’ve already put in the time and energy to develop the idea to the point that it is marketable for investment.
If the conversation is to convince someone to do something with you, assuming you really do need a partner, it means you have done your own bit and are ready to show the person, why it will be a good partnership for them.
Basically, any time spent talking about an idea, where that conversation is not moving you forward in what you are trying to do - is a waste of time and energy.
Nobody has to know until someone needs to know, and at that point you’re clear about how and where that person can help. This doesn’t include you telling people about stuff, just because you are lazy and don’t want to do it yourself. It is simply being specific about the support you require, meaning that you have already done the groundwork to make the person’s time worth it.
I hope this lesson helps other people, who like me use talk as a means of avoidance or validation. If anything, I hope it gives you a reason to pause and reflect on things you have not started but find yourself talking about all the time.
Start, let yourself struggle, or fail or be bad or whatever else it is we fear. At least you would have taken a step in the right direction, and not just have spoken about wanting to do something.
Don’t hide behind talk. Be and do.
When the time comes, you will show people, there won’t be any need for telling.
Love,
O.F.P