Build Your Beautiful House

Dear Friends, 

Yẹnúwò has been on my mind. I’m really happy to be writing again. I hope you have all been well. I am back home in Lagos. Yay!

I have been feeling a bit anxious this week because I have a lot to do. So I decided to have a talk with God this morning, in order to release the anxiety and tension.  The first thing I noticed is that I put a lot of pressure on myself right from the moment I think about what I want to do. I want it to be fantastic. I imagine all it will probably take for it to be fantastic - nothing specific, just vague feelings of how much work it will take- and I begin to panic. 

The panic is justified, not because of the actual work I have to do, but because of the type of pressure I have become used to placing on myself to do it. Say I want to build a beautiful house. I have an idea of how I want it to look. The idea is not very detailed, but it is clear that this house will be beautiful. The reason I get anxiety, is that I tell myself that I have to build this beautiful house in a single day. And I believe that this is a requirement for having that beautiful house. So of course I will panic, because there is no way that I will build a beautiful house all by myself in a day, and build it well. 

There is a part of me that knows this. It is a strong part of me because it fiercely but subconsciously resists the ridiculous demands I have put on myself to build this beautiful house. It says nope. First of all, we need time to sleep and eat and take care of other aspects of our life. For even those reasons alone, the beautiful house is impossible to build. In fact, we are just going to focus on doing those things you want to remove from us with this your ridiculous dream of building a beautiful house in a single day. 

Then another part somewhere feels bad. It really wants a beautiful house, but it also wants a balanced lifestyle. It is confused because it does not see how it will do both. 

In this confusion, the anxiety builds even more, until it becomes a large rock that blocks everything. There is no creativity flowing because the rock has blocked it. There’s no rest or rejuvenation happening because the energy is spent trying to push away this large rock blocking me. 

So that is the situation I found myself in. However, after thinking through things, I am able to see my problem better. 

Oladoyin, I say to myself, you can build your beautiful house, but it does not have to be in a day. Then I turn to the other me, Oladoyin, you can rest and eat well, do other things you enjoy and take care of yourself, while building your beautiful house. You just need to understand that instead of laying all the bricks in one day, you can lay a certain number of bricks everyday, and be consistent in your brick laying till you have built your house. 

And like that, both sides say ahhh that’s true. We can do that. Then all Oladoyins live happily ever after 😊. 

What am I saying ? 

In essence, my desire to do great things are valid. My desire to live my life in a way that is sustainable and healthy for my body and mind is valid. How I marry those two desires, is by embracing a growth mindset, and being consistent in doing a bit at a time, without punishing myself for the slow and steady pace I want to maintain. I am a slow person by nature. So I need to honour my nature and in doing so, allow myself the space to bloom in my own time. 

So, people, build your beautiful houses and allow yourself to build at a pace that best suits you. It might be a house a day or a house a year. It does not matter. Honour your own pace, so that your house can be beautiful for you. 

Love, 

OFP