Control Over You

There isn’t a second life on Earth waiting for you somewhere after this one is done. It is on to the next stage - whatever that may be - for each individual. It is an important fact to remember, but also one that’s hard for most to apply.

There is a difference between delayed gratification and needless suffering. That difference comes in the form of the control you perceive to have over your life.

When it comes to delayed gratification, it is a case of taking responsibility for your life and the things you want from it - delaying instant or quick wins for the longer term view. For example, one can skimp out on understanding the fundamentals of a class in order to get the answers to an assignment and turn it in. In this case you are just going through the motions instead of becoming a person that understands the class materials. However, when you decide that you want to know the subject well enough for it to be useful to you in the short and long run, you become willing to give up your time to ensure that it happens. With delayed gratification, you recognise that you have control over yourself and you are exercising that control in a way that is most beneficial to you.

On the other hand, we also have needless suffering. This is a situation in which we are waiting for something to happen to change our circumstances. In this instance, we forget or don’t even acknowledge, the control we have over ourselves. We ignore the fact that we can say - this is what I want and so I am going to do everything in my power, including asking for help where necessary, to do it. Say, for example, your job isn’t working out well for you and you aren’t actively taking control of the situation. Instead, you are waiting for someone to notice how well you work and take pity on you. Or you are waiting till the contract ends so you can just leave. Or you are waiting for your boss to somehow change and improve your experience. You want things to change but you aren’t taking responsibility and making the effort to change them. You’re waiting for something to happen or someone to do something. This is needless suffering.

It all boils down to how you see yourself. You need to see yourself as being in absolute control over your reaction to the occurrences in your life. You can’t control the way people act. You can’t prevent the rain from falling and causing traffic. Or the fact that things just aren’t going the way you want them to go. You can only control what you do in response. Because you are the single entity over which you have control.

This is not an easy approach to adopt because it means that you have to take responsibility for yourself, and outside that, you will have no one and nothing else to blame. This attitude is difficult because you no longer have an excuse to wait for this or that to happen, especially when you have the ability to make a change now. It is very difficult to take responsibility for your life, but if you do not do so, you make yourself subject to the whims of the wind i.e. everything and everyone outside yourself. You reject your sovereignty over yourself.

Start small. Identify one area in your life where you’ve been making excuses to wait or do nothing. Work towards being the person that you know you want to be. I, for one, know I have been using the fact that I am not at home to excuse my not exercising. So I’m committing to taking a walk every day and enjoying the beautiful views that are actually waiting for me on this walk.

How will you start taking responsibility for yourself this week?

Let me know!