2018’s Last Post

Hi there!

This will be the last post of 2018! I have decided to use December to think about how I am going to move forward with the blog. Feel free to shoot me an email with ideas if you have them. In the meantime, see you next year and enjoy the post!

I have decided to make this last blog post a more personal and reflective one. Although most of the things I share are almost always related to me, I generally don’t talk much about my personal stuff, except to illustrate a point or share an anecdote that explains the reason for the direction the post took that week. I am in the midst of some applications for my next steps and it has necessarily made me more reflective about what it is I want to dedicate my time, at least in the near future, to doing. I realised some things about myself, my growth and my journey.

I was once given the following piece of advice. I think I have probably shared it in a past blog post, but here it is again:

“Choose your desires. Desires compel. They are beyond wishes. Wishes fade with challenges. If you have any idea that fades with time know that it was a waste of time.

But when you have a thought that has been with you forever, know that this is a good utilisation of time. This is your purpose. Your life purpose.

Then you must go ahead and acquire knowledge and resources that will bring its manifestation. Measure that which you pursue now against this standard and then you will realise the work that truly needs to be done.”

I had an idea, or some project work that I did in my last year of university. It was something that I felt strongly about, but I did not see it beyond the school project that I tagged it as. At the back of my mind, I thought, hmm, it’ll be cool to look at or work with a more complex version of this problem, but I convinced myself that I could not do it and that I could save the world instead, by going to work at a company that had some socially-aware fibre.

Recently (only four and a half years later) I have been thinking about the same idea- how I can extend it and make it more complicated and useful. I didn’t start from this place, I had a whole bunch of uncertain ideas that took my mind on a confusing journey, but somehow converged to the same idea I had had at university. I thought to myself, wow, four years later and I am back at the same spot (well, almost, I’d like to hope I am at least wiser and less afraid than my 22 year old self).

The most poignant realisation for me, was the fact that the difference between myself then and now is the fact that I no longer think I am unable to do it. It struck me because I do not have any more knowledge now than I did then. My coding skills may even have worsened and let’s not even talk about my maths. Technically, I could say that I am somewhat intellectually worse off than I was when I was 22 years old and very cognisant of stochastic optimisation and calculus and simulation modelling etc. However today, I am surer of myself and my ability, in spite of the atrophied quantitative skills. What changed?

I guess life had to happen and my experiences had to teach me or somehow convince me, that I am able. There is nothing like that ability to identify something you consistently have wanted to do or want to do and just going for it, regardless of all the excuses you can make against it in your head.

Those excuses are so alluring. They provide a safe and easy way out. However, surely there will come a time in your life where you actually cannot mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically, stand the alternative to doing what you want to do. Some people can’t stand it, but live that life anyway, you don’t have to.

Last week I met a forty-year old woman whose whole career had been in winemaking. She’s recently transitioned to becoming a full-stack web-developer. Imagine all the excuses she could have made? She may have thought of those excuses, but they did not stop her from taking the leap on to that which she must have must have felt so strongly. She did what it says in that paragraph. She went “ ahead and [acquired] knowledge and resources that will bring its manifestation”. And now she’s further along her fearless path in life.

I’d really like to encourage you to start or continue with that which has been consistently on your mind to do. Whatever it is, as long as it is a strong desire of yours and you can be committed, devoted to and excited about it, go for it.

To be sure, you will meet people and situations along the way that will nudge you further in this direction. Be open to them. Do not be afraid of them. Respond to the advances of the universe. For they are bountiful and all towards your successful end.

You will get to where you are going. Surely, you will. However, it is a much more pleasurable experience to witness the journey of your life with your eyes and your arms wide open.

Seeing as this is the last post, I will wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I know we are technically still in November, but I guess you can just save the greetings till the appropriate times :P

Love,

O.F.P.